Recently I posted about my first ever cross-country trip (Americanmagyar Goes West). I used to daydream that when I retired, Bernard and I would drive across the country and see some of the iconic sites: Mount Rushmore, the Badlands, Yellowstone, etc. I never imagined that my post-retirement plans would be so contingent on my physical health. I posted this picture when we and our friends took the aerial tram to the top in Jackson, Wyoming. You may notice that I am leaning on a cane.
I have suffered with a bad back on and off since I was in my early twenties, In the last two years, however, my back condition has worsened. It is extremely painful to stand or walk. I did months of physical therapy and multiple rounds of steroid spinal injections; but these only provided temporary relief. Standing for any length of time was excruciating; I could only walk for short distances, and I could not carry any weight. Luckily, I could bike with no pain; I had to stop golfing and playing tennis. I also made accommodations at home, using a stool in the kitchen when I was cooking. I got a cane with a drop down seat in the event I went to a museum or had to stand in line. These helped, kinda.
I count myself very fortunate that I was able to travel. But, living with chronic back pain adversely affected my trips. On the bike-and-barge in Provence last spring, our group started biking after breakfast, and every morning around 10:30 our tour leader, Helmut, announced it was cappuccino time. We stopped at little outdoor cafes, frequently with time to explore the village or surrounding area before we moved on. I couldn’t walk, especially the slow walking that you do when you browse the shop windows or explore the little side streets—it was simply too painful.
When we returned from France, I continued with physical therapy and steroid injections hoping that I would be physically ready for our cross-country trip. Thankfully, driving or sitting in a car was pain free. When we arrived in Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons, I was unable to take any of the scenic walks and short hikes that took you to the most beautiful areas. I love to do photography and I had to take my pictures quickly before the sciatic pain appeared. We had a wonderful trip. We got to explore some of the most beautiful national parks and scenic areas in the American West with our good friends. It was an amazing experience, but it was painful.
I changed from a doctor who specializes in pain management to a neurosurgeon to explore the next steps, since the conservative measures no longer worked. As my primary physician once said, “Your spine is a mess!” Last Friday, I had a minimally invasive endoscopic procedure on my lower discs to eliminate the sciatic inflammation and reduce the pain.
I have been thinking a lot about what is means to live with chronic pain and how it affects your physical and emotional health. I am fortunate that I had some options, but what if there weren’t? I was mentally preparing myself for this new reality and how I had to adjust my expectations and adapt how I live. There are millions of Americans who don’t have access to health insurance or to adequate medical care. Not so long ago, you would’ve had to grin and bear it. It can severely circumscribe your life and how you want to live it. And living with debilitating pain can also contribute to depression. Again, I am so happy that I was able to do so much and see so many incredible places, but I can’t help but think of the what-ifs. I am sure many of you have had similar experiences.
Next time, I will tell you about my experiences with health insurance and the American health care system. It wasn’t pretty.
Thanks for tuning in,
M
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